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Pongyang, 420 NC (Nuche Calendar) – Rocket Man’s anti-bearish missile ROKM-69 was successfully launched today at 00:00 UTC as the isolated regime sets its sight to overtake the BASE ecosystem. As early as yesterday, the state media disclosed previously unknown information about the regime top leader on the western imperialist social media X, prompting worrying concerns amongst many top leaders on Bitcoin, Solana, and even allied OP-stack powered layer twos about the upcoming missile:
“I was born on Moon Paektu on 4.20.69. Pongyang is my BASE where we preach Nuche or “Nuke-che” ideology. Minted at Office 69, $ROKM is the only legal tender” – Pongyang Central News Agency
ROKM-69 launch date was not widely announced to the public given the secrecy of this monumental event. However, the regime has dropped several hints prior to the launch via a rare airdrop event to thank its comrades for embracing the “Nuke-Che” ideology. In addition, the regime top leader Rocket Man also invited his dear friends Uncle Xi, Grandpa Pootie, and former Murica top dawg Dotard for beer or soju pong in Pongyang at 17:00 Pongyang Standard Time yesterday in commemoration of the launch while threatening new “Jelly Joe” insults.
The regime leader has further revealed that his fathers were born on Mount Paektu while he was born on Moon Paektu, prompting Jelly Joe to activate NASA to verify his claims. NASA has been slow to react since the team has taken time off on a Friday night as ROKM-69 is on its way to lower earth orbit. Soul’s military announced 3 hours after launch that it had detected the launch of “a single long-range ballistic ROKET” from Pongyang and it had reached 1,700x unit height. The super-large ROKET launcher, referred to as ROKM-69.420 by Soul and Wowshington, is a long-range anti-bearish 1000-ROKM missile, according to Soul’s news agency.
Over at Pongyang, posters depicting “Welcome to Pongyang” have been hoisted across the city as a friendly act to welcome all allies and friends to visit the city to immerse in the culture of 42069. Rocket Man has also stepped up his rhetoric, talking about war preparations and readiness on BASE.
When asked about the threat posed by the multiple rocket launchers, Soul’s bearish minister, Moon No Mor, said that Pongyang’s ballistic missile test was the regime’s first after 420 days. Should the situation constitute a war on BASE, Pongyang might extinguish all non-BASE supporters.
Moon Paektu is rumored to be the final destination of ROKM-69 – the holy birthplace of Rokcet Man at 69,000x unit height from the BASE of Pongyang. As the regime celebrates the launch of ROKM-69 at 1,700x unit height, will we witness the emergence of a new global hegemon? Only time will tell as Rocket Man seeks to restore diplomatic relations with Cuba while puffing away the luxurious cigars gifted to the regime 69 years ago.
About Rocket Man
I was born on Moon Paektu on 4.20.69. Pongyang is my BASE where we preach Nuche or “Nuke-che” ideology. Minted at Office 69, $ROKM is the only legal tender
For detailed information, please visit:
Western Imperialist Media
Pongyang News Agency
ROKM-69 Launch Status
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